Dear Coffee…

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Tuesday, April 9, 2013 in musings on life, love & everything in between | 0 comments

My Dear Coffee,

I find that I’m at a loss for words. I never thought this day would come.

This letter is to tell you plainly: I love you, but we need to break up.

I must admit that it pains me deeply to have to tell you such things. Although you give me buttery warm feelings as take you in, I find that you could very well be the death of me.

Your caffeination causes me to have jitters of all sorts. Heart palpitations, yet not from affections for you. Shallow breathing. My tummy in knots.

When I’m without you, my head aches in all sorts of ways. My sight is blurred almost to the point of blindness. I think it is what some may call a ‘withdraw migraine.’

Whatever it may be, I can trace it to you. Although presently, we meet five times a day—sometimes more, sometimes less—it has to stop. I cannot continue loving you the way that I do.

 

I’m so sorry, dearest Coffee. I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

Such were my sentiments two years ago. Coffee had done a number on me. I was drinking up to five shots of espresso and/or cups of coffee a day. If I accidentally missed a day, it was head pain at monumental intensity. The panic attacks* were horrible. I had to do something.

So I weaned myself off of coffee. Completely. I only drank water and sometimes tea. I hated it… but I loved it.

I came to realize once coffee and I had broken up that I was using coffee not only for it’s caffeine benefits, but as a sort of… emotional booty call. Essentially, a large part of my motivation for drinking coffee was comfort.

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter (connector in the brain) responsible for helping us feel pleasure. It’s commonly known as being responsible for “reward-driven” learning.

For instance, if I wanted to train my puppy, I would “reward” her by giving her a treat after she did something positive like coming when I called. Eventually it will get to the point that I don’t even need a treat in hand. Her brain will adapt so that just me calling to her will fire off the dopamine—she doesn’t even have to have the treat in her possession yet.

So it was with me. I was the little puppy drinking coffee as a reward. When I was stressed: coffee; feeling happy: coffee; being social: coffee; sad: coffee.

Coffee was no longer just a desire, it was a necessary part of my life. It used to be that one cup gave me the dopamine hit. But I was at the point where five cups still wasn’t doing it.

My adrenal glands were shot. My digestive system was torn up. I had to do something. So coffee and I broke up. It was heartbreaking. But it was necessary. Coffee and it’s dopamine-inducing-relaxation were not inherently evil or bad, but I began to realize that I was using it as a pacifier instead of dealing with whatever was the actual stressor. Again, not inherently bad, but anything in excess is unhealthy.

So I said goodbye to coffee for a good several months. I detoxed my system and dealt with some other issues and now I can enjoy a cup or maybe even two without any of the painful side effects or emotional drama. I don’t have it every day, sometimes not even every other. I still love coffee… but I realized that we’re better off just as friends.

How a Hula Hoop Changed My Life (Redefining Boundaries)

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Wednesday, June 5, 2013 in communication, musings on life, love & everything in between | 0 comments

I thought I was pretty good at relating to people. I’ve always had lots of friends (not bragging… I was just born a social butterfly) and I really try to make a concerted effort to connect with people’s hearts as well as the fun, light, social stuff.

In the midst of building friendships and relationships, I began to learn that I was horrible with boundaries. I’ve always been a strong personality, yet at the same time, I have no problem accommodating others (with me, it’s not often “my way or the highway”). I’m definitely not a doormat, but I had no idea until about two years ago, how much of my life I was inadvertently allowing others to dictate because of my poor boundaries.

A couple of summers ago, a girlfriend called me up and told me she had sent me a link to an two-part audio series by her pastor, Alyn Jones in Nashville. He talked about boundaries and she said it had changed her life. I reluctantly agreed to listen, but really felt I had no need for a “boundaries” talk since I wasn’t dating anyone at the time.

Little did I know…

I listened to that two-part teaching and have listened countless times since and even coerced friends to listen (I may or may not have played it on long road trips when they couldn’t escape the car. ). I’m not exaggerating when I say that it is one of only two messages that have been personally life altering.

I cannot tell you in strong enough language how you NEED to listen to this podcast (below). It WILL change your life. Every one of my close friends has heard it and our relationships have all dramatically improved as a result. I will ask the man I marry to please listen to it one day. I will teach my children the principles. I will shout it from the rooftops because it has SO impacted me.

I encourage you to listen to the podcasts which I’ve embedded below, but let me sum up what I learned through both the podcast and some life lessons in the last two years about retracing boundaries:

• There are four ways that people try to get their needs met:

1. People
2. Pleasure
3. Possessions
4. Performance/Power

I think it goes without saying that none of these will ultimately satisfy our deepest desires.

• Fundamentally, your value is NOT in what others think/feel about you. – It is based on the deep, trusting, heart-knowledge that you are loved by God. You were made to receive and give love and that is enough.

• You are valued regardless of how well you perform. – Seriously, you are.

• “No” is a complete sentence. – You do not owe others excuses or explanations for why you choose to do or not do something. You may offer them an explanation if you choose, but it is out of love that you offer it, not obligation. People with healthy boundaries won’t manipulate or guilt you for your “no.” I love how Alyn says it, “until you are free to say ‘no,’ you’re not free to say ‘yes.’” On the flip side, if people aren’t free to say “no” to you, then they’re not truly free to say “yes.”

• The Hula-Hoop Rule. – Understanding I am not responsible for other people’s stuff.

Imagine there is an invisible hula-hoop around you. In your hoop are your feelings, your actions, your hopes/fears, your reactions… anything that has “your” in front of it. Inside Jane’s hula-hoop are her emotions, her actions, her reactions… etc. I am not responsible for anything in Jane’s hula-hoop. Those are hers to deal with. If she chooses to invite me in, I can consult or guide and vice versa, but an invitation must be offered or it is a violation of boundaries.

Understanding the hula-hoop rule has helped my friends and I SO VERY MUCH. We are much less affected by or feel the need to “fix” others problems and will kindly remind each other “that is not in your hula-hoop” when one or another of us is trying to take on someone else’s hurt feeling, worry, problem, etc.

• Not everyone has the same access. – Sorry, I love everyone, but there are only a handful of girlfriends and members of my family (and one day, my husband) who have full access to call out junk in my life. That’s for two reasons: 1. I have given them that access… verbally and by investing my time into them. 2. They have given me their time and they encourage me even more than they challenge/critique me.

• I’m not your Savior, so don’t expect me to fix your problems. – I swear that every member of my family has 1-800-TellMeAllYourStuff tattooed invisibly on our foreheads. EVERYWHERE we go, people offer up their issues. We don’t mind it; we love people, but it has become imperative over the years that we understand boundaries. Including understanding that it is NOT up to me to fix all of your problems. (It goes back to the hula-hoop rule). Jesus is the only Savior I know and he does a better job than I ever could. Also, it’s your life… I’ve got my own issues to fix. I love ya. I may or may not share some wisdom, but I’m not gonna save you.

I have been involved in ministries and businesses where there was enormous pressure to say “yes” to everything and a strong emphasis on performance. Perfection was masked as “excellence” and if you dared take time for family or yourself, it was as though you were living in sin. (More on perfectionism in an upcoming post.) Understanding these (and other) principles of boundaries have changed my life. I no longer feel the pressure to perform. I am not offended if you tell me “no” to an invitation I extend and I feel no twinges of worry if I have offended you with my “no.”

Retracing my boundaries in relationships has enabled me to have an unspoken agreement in all my close friendships and with my family (with whom it can be the hardest for me to have boundaries). But now, publically online, I’m speaking forth my agreement.

Now, better understanding boundaries, here is my heart toward all those I have in my life (from strangers to family): lovingly and respectfully, I don’t need you… if I’m inviting you into my life, it’s because I want you in it. And I do want you. But I want you to know that I’m not here to perform or to please you.

I will do my upmost to invest in you, pray for you and point you to toward Jesus. I’ll join with you in having fun, adventuring and laughing at life on both the days of beauty and those of heartache. I’ll sing spontaneously, dance like a crazy person and care for your sick babies. I’ll ask for your advice and constructive criticism and I’ll welcome your love and encouragement.

I’ll do what I can to always be a shoulder for you to cry on and a friend to lean on, but with all of my heart, I’ll encourage you to pursue Jesus to find your wholeness and pray that you’ll do the same for me.

I’ll do my best to let my yes be yes and my no be no. I’ll strive to uplift you with my words and in my heart. I’ll respect you by respecting your boundaries, and I ask you to do the same.

Welcome to my life, my friend. May we together, always grow into a greater knowledge of love and may that outward expression change the landscape of our world for eternity.

Xoxo,

Elizabeth

Somewhere Between (Rediscovering Grace: Part II)

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Wednesday, April 3, 2013 in faith, musings on life, love & everything in between | 0 comments

If you missed the first post, read it here.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

I think I came to full awareness of what Grace did for me a few months later. It was October 2011 and I was still under a pretty hefty cloud for reasons that will mostly be explained in a string of the other “Since I’ve Been Gone” blogs… Needless to say, I’m assuming you’re starting to get the idea that I was a tangled mess.

Although I could rest somewhat easier after reading Ruthless Trust, I was still not talking to God (I had however dealt with my anger and bitterness for none of my… I mean “His” plans coming to pass). I wasn’t doing any of the good Christian things that usually help you out in crisis. You know: reading your bible, praying 15 hours a day, helping others, yada yada.

Instead I tried a multitude of practical things: exercise, cutting out coffee*, dealing with anxiety*, homeopathic and herbal supplements, talking with a counselor, blah blah blah. Some helped, but I still wasn’t “better.”

During the course of my grossness, Brittany (the one who was in New York with me when we first discovered Ruthless Trust) had gotten engaged. I was genuinely excited for her. Not that the excitement could do anything to push back the depression. But nonetheless, I hopped on a plane to Nashville for five, yes five, engagement portrait sessions with her and her fiancé (now husband) John.

I left on a Friday and returned on a Thursday. Seven days and nothing substantial had happened. Nothing except the cloud had lifted. Somewhere between Dallas and Nashville and sometime between a Friday and a Thursday, something substantial had happened. Grace.

Grace had seen me at my worst.

It looked past the brokenness.

It wasn’t worried about what I had or had not produced.

It lifted off the heaviness.

It took me where I could not take myself: into openness.

Everything changed on that trip to Nashville. I haven’t dealt with depression at all since that trip.

And what is so powerful here is that I did nothing to make that happen.

I want to emphasize here that I DID NOTHING TO HELP MYSELF. All of my feeble efforts failed. I was too battle weary and broken to do anything. Grace did it entirely on it’s own. Whilst I was asleep the seeds were growing.

That is why I know I’ve met Grace. Because Grace did what I couldn’t do. It rescued me out of darkness into glorious light. I’m not just talking about salvation here. I received salvation at age three, consciously and in a very real way.

Grace goes beyond salvation; Grace is about living in the light and loving the freedom within. It’s about resting in the goodness of a God who loves unconditionally. We can’t earn Grace; it’s freely given. We open ourselves to receive it and sometimes, when we’re desperate and broken and unaware of our need, God gives us grace somewhere between Dallas and Nashville, sometime between a Friday and a Thursday.

“…but equally amazing to me is the steadfast grace that allows us to remain relentlessly faithfulthrough the disasters and disappointments, the struggles and the heartaches of the human adventure. Our graced track record instills a modest confidence that, although we often stumble and fall, we will keep getting up; that we will not be numbered among the superficial who burn their Bibles at the first sign of trouble, or the defeated who fight long and struggle honorably for their faith but eventually yield to despair; that the grace for the next step and the courage to receive it will be given.” –Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

Rediscovering Grace (Part I)

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Wednesday, March 20, 2013 in faith, musings on life, love & everything in between | 0 comments

When most people think of the word “grace,” they picture the following:

Until a year and a half ago, as far as I was concerned, Grace indeed had died 40 years ago. At least I didn’t know what “grace” meant for me.

Intellectually, I understood from childhood that Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, died a painful death as the penalty for my wrongdoings and offers me something called “Grace” instead of the judgment that I deserve.

All of that is great and good, but was not especially moving to me. And I’m a moderately emotional person.

But all that has changed. If you’ll allow me, I’ll tell you a short story about when I met Grace…

Back up to two years ago. March 2011, I was in New York with one of my besties Brittany. Whilst we were there, our host handed me a stack his favorite books. Among them was one in particular entitled Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning.

The cover was a deep red with an antiqued image of some sort of a tree. I keenly read a chapter aloud to Brittany and we went about our day in the city.

Fast forward a few months, to late summer. My life was in shambles. Every dream and plan I thought was supposed to be happening was not. I was jobless, husbandless, brokenhearted, depressed and without a plan (which was for sure the hardest part to deal with).

All I could do most days was do my best to avoid having a panic attack (more on that later), try not to be depressed by using every natural and practical method I could muster, and plug along freelancing.

I had bought a copy of that Ruthless Trust book at some point that year and it had been sitting on my bookshelf along with five or six other books all begging for me to crack them open and explore. None of them were appealing. I was at the height of depression-induced-apathy.

I began reading the book at the beginning. 

I made it two-thirds of the way through the book and although the content was wonderful, nothing struck me as particularly significant. That was until I got to one passage. The author began by reminding the reader that Jesus likened the Kingdom of God to a farmer who throws seed on the land.

“With that simple act, the farmer’s work is done. He watches television, washes clothes, repairs the hole in the roof, and travels to Delaware, New Mexico, and Oregon to visit his three children. Whether it is night or day, whether the farmer is asleep or awake, at home or on the road, the seed he scattered sprouts and grows. He does not have a clue how it happed. The earth does it all without his help…

That is the way it is with trust. Over the years it ripens into confidence. Based on the solid, irrefutable evidence of God’s relentless faithfulness, a certainty in the trustworthiness of the tremendous Lover evolves without the least sweat and strain on our part…”

But it was this next part that made me weep, for as I began reading it for the first time, it was as if it had been inscribed on the page only for me:

“When the farmer arises in the morning, unreconciled to getting out of bed, he feels no anxiety that he has wasted time through his sleep; au contraire, he is confident that the seed has continued to grow during the night. So, too, the spiritual woman does not fret and flap over opportunities missed, does not hammer herself for not working hard enough, and does not have a panic attack wondering whether she has received grace in vain. She lives in quiet confidence that God is working in her by day and by night. Like the farmer, she is not totally passive or presumptuous. The woman knows that she has her full measure of work to do, but she realizes that the outcome rests with God and that the decisive factor is unearned grace. Thus, she works as if everything depends on God and prays as if everything depends on her. (emphasis mine).

Brennan Manning had just read my mail. Really what happened was that God was gracious enough to use a book to speak to my heart about this thing called “Grace.” And in that moment, I was beginning to understand.

To be continued…

Stuff I Like #2 (May 24, 2013)

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Friday, May 24, 2013 in musings on life, love & everything in between, Stuff I Like | 0 comments

Stuff I Like # 2

1. The Holstee Manifesto

I’m assuming you’ve probably seen this before. It’s apparently been viewed a bazillion times online. However, it still rocks my world. It’s hanging in my bathroom and it’s my desktop so I HAVE to see it at least a few times a day.

2. Man of Steel

This is what I feel like is happening: Marvel has taken the amazing babeness that is Clark Kent/Superman (and a bearded one at that!), thrown in a little magic of Christopher Nolan and then added a splash of a silver fox in Kevin Costner. This movie comes out four days before my birthday. Coincidence you might say? I think not. It’s gonna be a great summer. Bring on the heat!

3. 23 weeks 6 days by Radiolab

I’m a frequent listener to Radiolab podcasts. I probably should contribute financially to them some day. But in the meantime, I’m an avid fan. But this episode rocked my world more than any other. In fact, it might be one of the best-produced pieces of hour-long audio I’ve heard to date.

The story is riveting. I don’t want to give anything away, but let me say that my heart was gripped the entire episode. It chronicles a journalist couple in Florida who struggle to get pregnant, eventually do, but then have to figure out what to do when their daughter is born 23 weeks 6 days premature.

I HIGHLY recommend you plug it in when you have an hour whilst cleaning the house or driving. It is moving and the statement they (inadvertently I believe) make about the sanctity of life and when it begins is powerful.

4. Texas Sheet Cake

One of my favorite things about electing to live at home for the time being is all of the piping hot deliciousness that emanates from our kitchen. Texas Sheet Cake is no exception.

One day, I plan to assemble a cookbook of the Erickson family’s favorite/original recipes, but until then, here is a link to our Texas Sheet Cake. Or you can come over anytime for some…

5. Asian Babies

I have one friend who has found my weak spot: if she knows I’m having a rough day, she will send me photographs of random Asian babies. You may think it’s creepy, but we’ve all got our quirks. Like my affection for Kevin Costner, there is no logical explanation for my love for Asian babies. East Asia, Southeast Asia, India… doesn’t matter, I think all Asian babies are beautiful. One day, maybe I’ll adopt one (provided my Man of Steel is on board). Until then, please friends, feel free to text me Asian babies ALL. DAY. LONG.

I’m nowhere different than I was a year ago, but I’m light-years away.

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Wednesday, March 6, 2013 in musings on life, love & everything in between | 5 comments

Let me start this post by saying… I’m a big believer in the following (mostly because I have a mouth on me): if you have nothing to say, don’t say anything. That’s where I’ve been for about a year and a half. I’ve found myself distant from social media, quiet with all but a few and mostly mute when it comes to the written word.

I wrote the following back in September. At the time, it was completely where I found myself. Things have shifted in my life and I’m not so listless anymore. But I’m a pretty transparent person. What you see is what you get. With that in mind, I desire to share my life openly. So here it goes…

I’m nowhere different than I was a year ago, but I’m light-years away.

I’m not sure why we all feel the need to measure our lives by how productive we are, how many feats we’ve accomplished in a span of time or the major life changes that have occurred of late.

OK, so maybe it is just people with type-A personalities who are like that. But I don’t think so. I would venture to say that most everyone feels listless and wanderlust at various points.

I was reflecting on the last year of my life out loud to a girlfriend the other day. I’ll paraphrase the conversation for you:

“I just feel like I’m in the exact same place I was a year ago. I’ve got the big picture of my life… sort of. But I don’t really know when I’m going to get a plan for the next month, or year or five years. Plus, I don’t really have anything to show for the last year even…”

She cut me off and responded, “Liz, didn’t you graduate college within the last year?”

“Well, yeah. But that doesn’t really count, because that was more the previous four years worth of work…”

It was after that conversation that I started reflecting on what I have done in the last year. And I compiled a list.

I love lists. I have lists of books I’ve yet to read, films I’ve yet to watch, places I’d love to visit… and the order I’d like to visit them in, and of course qualities I desire in The Unknown Man. These lists are all in addition to daily to-do lists, grocery lists, lists of people I’d like to have coffee with, and sheets filled with general scribbles and notes in my iPhone of curated quotes.

But what I had failed to realize was that I think God had been making a list too. And His list didn’t consist of goals He wanted me to accomplish or places He’d like to send me (although, I’m REALLY down to see what that list would consist of!), the stuff I’ve got to work on or my comical mixing of metaphors that God probably finds hilarious too.

I realized that He had a running list of lessons He so graciously has been teaching me over the last year. Some of them are big and some of them are small. Some are lessons that I’m going through so that others may learn and other lessons are personal to my heart. Not one of these lessons would I take back and not one of them do I think that God brought as a punishment or to incite pain. I truly believe that they are all opportunities for me to partner with God to deal with things that I had allowed as hindrances to growth.

So, I’ve decided to do a series of blog posts over the coming days of “Since I’ve been Gone!” (I’m totally channeling my inner Kelly Clarkson). Not that I have everything sorted, but I’m not where I was. Not that where I was bad. But… well, you know.

I feel like that line in John Mayer’s gorgeously depressing song Split Screen Sadness when he says, “I can’t wait to figure out what’s wrong with me, so I can say this is the way that I used to be…”

I love grace so much because once you look at the person of Jesus and who He is, you become changed and you can truly say “this is the way I used to be.” Jesus makes it so that you and I can scream from the rooftops, “I am what I am, by the grace of God.”

In the last year, I may not have travelled around the world or moved to New York (like I totally thought I was going to… and planned for). I’m not newly married like some of my beautiful friends. I am not popping out babies. I’m still horrible at answering emails and phone calls in a timely manner. My room is not tidy and most nights I sleep in my makeup. But I can say that, by the grace of God, I’m not who I was…

Here’s a sneak peak at some of the things I’ve been dealing with/learning to overcome over the last year that I’m going to be blogging about in the coming weeks: PANIC ATTACKS! (and how to overcome them); Dear Coffee, I love you, but we need to break up; Retracing boundaries; Death of a plan… and all it’s friends; Rediscovering Grace; “Hey God, do you hear me!?!”; The War of Art… and a few more.

Stay tuned for the first Since I’ve Been Gone post coming this week!

All my love… for everyone,

Elizabeth

boho saturdays.

Posted by elizabeth erickson on Tuesday, January 31, 2012 in musings on life, love & everything in between | 1 comment

Saturdays are often filled with either photoshoots and creative meetups, hustling at anthropologie or shopping. This last Saturday was a double header as I documented a sweet proposal as well as doing an anniversary photoshoot with clients and friends who gave me the privilege of shooting their wedding last March.

As I got dressed Saturday morning, I was listening to/watching this video from the Australian-based band, Tigertown. The video from their single “Go Now” inspired my outfit selection:

For the anniversary shoot, we shot in an abandoned house. So, inspired by the Tigertown amazingness, I channeled my inner hippie (I am, after all, the product of two). Since I was dressed appropriately for our derelict environment, I handed the camera to my friend/client and hopped in front of the camera.

It was a bohemian saturday: